why should i feel discouraged
why should the shadows come
why should my heart be lonely
and long for heaven and home
when jesus is my portion
my constant friend is he
his eye is on the sparrow
and i know he watches me
"let not your heart be troubled"
his tender word i hear
and resting on his goodness
i lose my doubts and fears
though by the path he leadeth
but one step i may see
his eye is on the sparrow
and i know he watches me
i sing because i'm happy
i sing because i'm free
his eye is on the sparrow
and i know he watches me
i can't see beyond july 28 right now. i can't see where i'll lay my head after september 15. i can't see who i'm going to drink a beer with come august 1. or a gin and tonic and talk about live, love, and theology. i can't see how i'll afford to buy food starting tomorrow. well, that's not entirely true since i've saved up a little. but the truth is, all i can see is 'but one step' at a time. that step is to fly out of here on july 28 and land in new york. i guess God has always had me on a need-to-know basis...and right now i don't need to know. but if he has an eye on some sparrow somewhere ... how much more does he keep an eye on me? he wants me to do well and to succeed. he will keep leading me on that path. up to me to follow. i'm free and mostly happy... this is why i sing.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
pensive...
it's a strange feeling to know that in about 30 days, i'll be heading out to the big apple. so many little details still to work out. need to sell my car. need to get an audition book together. want to see friends but not really sure how to get it all in with such a limited number of weekends and weeknights. then, of course, is the actual packing up of this very fun home. books, furniture, kitchen stuff...not to mention my ridiculous wine collection. storage for a while....
i wonder if i'll find a job out there? or if an apartment will reveal itself that i can actually afford? will anyone want to hear me sing? will i find new friends? none of them will come with an 18 year history of comfort and awareness. no one will know the things i've done or accomplished. perhaps that's a good thing. i won't get the 'pastor' treatment right off the bat. i may actually see people's uncalculated honesty that is not trying to impress. and i may not need to impress them, either. that could be nice. i was told recently that "a pastor is a pastor 24 hours a day", which meant, essentially, that you could never really be friends with people in your congregation. i feel for those ministers who don't know any safe places to just be themselves. always having to watch themselves for some fear of being discovered for the human they are. i'm pretty human and have made some mistakes that could only be called "doozies" (is that how you spell that?). i can't say enough "thank you's" for the people who allow me to show my brokenness in all its broken glory and still think i can contribute something positive to their life. I hope to meet people like that in new york. and hopefully i can be the same for them.
yes, it's a strange time for me. reflective, calm, nervous, excited, sometimes want to cry, sometimes elated, anxious, expectant, confident, insecure... Lord, i have no hope apart from you. show me what i need to see and who i need to meet and what i need to sing. please keep a smile on my lips, joy in my eyes, love in my heart, and grace in my spirit for all that cross my path. amen.
i wonder if i'll find a job out there? or if an apartment will reveal itself that i can actually afford? will anyone want to hear me sing? will i find new friends? none of them will come with an 18 year history of comfort and awareness. no one will know the things i've done or accomplished. perhaps that's a good thing. i won't get the 'pastor' treatment right off the bat. i may actually see people's uncalculated honesty that is not trying to impress. and i may not need to impress them, either. that could be nice. i was told recently that "a pastor is a pastor 24 hours a day", which meant, essentially, that you could never really be friends with people in your congregation. i feel for those ministers who don't know any safe places to just be themselves. always having to watch themselves for some fear of being discovered for the human they are. i'm pretty human and have made some mistakes that could only be called "doozies" (is that how you spell that?). i can't say enough "thank you's" for the people who allow me to show my brokenness in all its broken glory and still think i can contribute something positive to their life. I hope to meet people like that in new york. and hopefully i can be the same for them.
yes, it's a strange time for me. reflective, calm, nervous, excited, sometimes want to cry, sometimes elated, anxious, expectant, confident, insecure... Lord, i have no hope apart from you. show me what i need to see and who i need to meet and what i need to sing. please keep a smile on my lips, joy in my eyes, love in my heart, and grace in my spirit for all that cross my path. amen.
Friday, June 20, 2008
cheese
i did the incline yesterday and got my personal best so far for this summer. 32:54. what's remarkable is what i had for breakfast. tostitos brand cheese dip in the tall jar. perhaps we have underestimated the nutritional qualities of this tasty nectar.
it's a well known fact that there is protein in cheese. this is obviously good for the repair and building of muscle tissue. it seems clear over the years as i've consumed incredible quanitites of this delicacy that my muscles have grown and are producing adequate power for little jaunts up the incline at increasing speeds.
the taste is another factor, i believe, in the ability of this ambrosia to bring positive results. because of its flavor, i am a happy person. this psychological state (enhanced by the dipped doritos) is something that the world appears to be lacking these days. it would seem that this puts me in an upper percentile as it relates to overall joy. this, in turn, translates to higher energy, enjoyment of the outdoor activity, and performance on the athletic field...in this case, the incline.
my recommendation, without hesitation, is for larger consumption of cheese product as it develops strength, happiness of taste buds, and a greater overall joy with a higher performance potential. eat up!
it's a well known fact that there is protein in cheese. this is obviously good for the repair and building of muscle tissue. it seems clear over the years as i've consumed incredible quanitites of this delicacy that my muscles have grown and are producing adequate power for little jaunts up the incline at increasing speeds.
the taste is another factor, i believe, in the ability of this ambrosia to bring positive results. because of its flavor, i am a happy person. this psychological state (enhanced by the dipped doritos) is something that the world appears to be lacking these days. it would seem that this puts me in an upper percentile as it relates to overall joy. this, in turn, translates to higher energy, enjoyment of the outdoor activity, and performance on the athletic field...in this case, the incline.
my recommendation, without hesitation, is for larger consumption of cheese product as it develops strength, happiness of taste buds, and a greater overall joy with a higher performance potential. eat up!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
civic duty 3
Guilty on all 6 charges.
I'm glad I got to be part of the process even though I wasn't part of formal deliberations. interestingly, i was able to speak personally with the judge since he felt for me and all the time i'd spent paying attention to the case. this allowed me to learn a few other details about the case which was helpful.
i believe it is a good thing for all of us to consider our role in divine authority that has been delegated to us. for those of us who participate in a democracy, we are fully involved in this delegated authority. this has implications far beyond the jury duty we all may face sometime. there are implications for the upcoming elections...not so much who we vote for but that we participate at all. does this say anything about capitol offenses? even though we are told "judge not lest ye be judged," what are we to do with this delegated authority?
fun stuff. has nothing to do with my upcoming move to NY. now it's time to focus on music. i wish i knew the best tunes to use as audition material. i really don't have a clue.
I'm glad I got to be part of the process even though I wasn't part of formal deliberations. interestingly, i was able to speak personally with the judge since he felt for me and all the time i'd spent paying attention to the case. this allowed me to learn a few other details about the case which was helpful.
i believe it is a good thing for all of us to consider our role in divine authority that has been delegated to us. for those of us who participate in a democracy, we are fully involved in this delegated authority. this has implications far beyond the jury duty we all may face sometime. there are implications for the upcoming elections...not so much who we vote for but that we participate at all. does this say anything about capitol offenses? even though we are told "judge not lest ye be judged," what are we to do with this delegated authority?
fun stuff. has nothing to do with my upcoming move to NY. now it's time to focus on music. i wish i knew the best tunes to use as audition material. i really don't have a clue.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
civic duty 2
so, after listening to all the testimony, arguments, evidence presentation, and jury room waiting...i find out that i'm the alternate juror. this means that i did my best to be an attentive participant in the process but didn't get to be a part of the deliberations. i suppose i should say, those deliberations are going on now and i'm 'on call' waiting to see if i'm needed. sorry...can't talk about the case yet. :)
interesting process.
interesting process.
civic duty
i was called for jury duty for the first time in my life yesterday. quite a process, really. showed up to the courthouse about 8:30 am, went through the metal detectors, removed my belt and phone, corralled into a big room with about 200 other potential jurors, and then we waited. even though there was a sense of inconveniece, it dissipated fairly quickly as it became clear that just our presence was encouraging various disputes around the courthouse to settle. attornies were doing all they could to avoid a jury trial. so even though we were sitting in the "corral" watching a dvd of "national treasure" (so appropriate), parties were aware that if they didn't settle, they might have me sitting in judgment over them.
after about 90 minutes, my number was called and i was sent with a group of people to a court on the second floor. there we went through the voir dire process. various excuses were given as to why potential jurors couldn't serve but only a few were accepted. the judge wasn't swayed by people who were upset about missing work. but there were some who were able to convince him that they would be biased in this particular case given a few of the details. i had no excuses. certainly i couldn't use the work excuse since my days are free. and i haven't had much of anything criminal happen to me so i couldn't present any reason to be dismissed.
one guy sort of upset me saying he should be dismissed because of his Bible training. i was like, "what?!" he did not seem to have any understanding of our judicial system essentially saying that the defendant was guilty and this was all a formality. i wonder if he'd feel that way if he were ever on trial for something. there's always two sides to a story. he was saying that he didn't feel he could sit in judgment of someone else. what was upsetting to me was him saying this as a "bible trained" person. ridiculous! God has delegated his divine judgment to humans in a number of places. we see it in deuteronomy 16:18. we see it in the book of judges. and the whole idea of delegated authority is huge in romans 13. when we participate in this system of justice, we are taking part in delegated divine authority. of course we can't sit in judgment over someone else on our own, but that is not what is happening when one sits on a jury. we have been given authority. and this authority should be handled very carefully and with an awareness of a certain weight. a person's life hangs in the balance depending on what we decide based on the evidence of the case. i wanted to say something like, "i'm bible trained too but have no problem with this" but i kept my mouth shut.
after the voir dire, there was a back and forth between the plaintiff and defendant on who they wanted on the 12 person jury with one alternate. when it was all done, i heard my name among those 13. frankly i was a little shocked. the case started almost immediately and went for a good chunk of the afternoon but ended early when we ran out of witnesses. today should be a full day of witnesses and evidence.
the only drag is not getting my normal time in the sun or on the incline. :) it's amazing that i've lived here for 18 years and just as i'm about to leave, i get my first call for jury duty.
after about 90 minutes, my number was called and i was sent with a group of people to a court on the second floor. there we went through the voir dire process. various excuses were given as to why potential jurors couldn't serve but only a few were accepted. the judge wasn't swayed by people who were upset about missing work. but there were some who were able to convince him that they would be biased in this particular case given a few of the details. i had no excuses. certainly i couldn't use the work excuse since my days are free. and i haven't had much of anything criminal happen to me so i couldn't present any reason to be dismissed.
one guy sort of upset me saying he should be dismissed because of his Bible training. i was like, "what?!" he did not seem to have any understanding of our judicial system essentially saying that the defendant was guilty and this was all a formality. i wonder if he'd feel that way if he were ever on trial for something. there's always two sides to a story. he was saying that he didn't feel he could sit in judgment of someone else. what was upsetting to me was him saying this as a "bible trained" person. ridiculous! God has delegated his divine judgment to humans in a number of places. we see it in deuteronomy 16:18. we see it in the book of judges. and the whole idea of delegated authority is huge in romans 13. when we participate in this system of justice, we are taking part in delegated divine authority. of course we can't sit in judgment over someone else on our own, but that is not what is happening when one sits on a jury. we have been given authority. and this authority should be handled very carefully and with an awareness of a certain weight. a person's life hangs in the balance depending on what we decide based on the evidence of the case. i wanted to say something like, "i'm bible trained too but have no problem with this" but i kept my mouth shut.
after the voir dire, there was a back and forth between the plaintiff and defendant on who they wanted on the 12 person jury with one alternate. when it was all done, i heard my name among those 13. frankly i was a little shocked. the case started almost immediately and went for a good chunk of the afternoon but ended early when we ran out of witnesses. today should be a full day of witnesses and evidence.
the only drag is not getting my normal time in the sun or on the incline. :) it's amazing that i've lived here for 18 years and just as i'm about to leave, i get my first call for jury duty.
Friday, June 13, 2008
uno
well, i've entered the blogosphere thanks to joy. it seems appropriate that i set down an accurate collection of my reflections as my life takes this new turn. in just 45 days, i'll be moving to that big fruit of all fruits, the big apple. i've heard that if it exists in the world, New York has at least two of them. should be a very fun adventure and YOU get to join me as i take the blue pill and enter the matrix that is the City.
the path to this moment has been curious to say the least. that is a story for several good bottles of wine, preferably shiraz. so, if you ask nicely and bring the grapes, be ready for a grand tale. either way, i believe God is up to something that i can't as yet see. i suppose he always is and perhaps it is presumptuous of me to think it has anything to do with me, but...well, i guess i'll be presumptuous. i like typing that word. presumptuous. what you don't know is that i mispelled it every one of those three times. but i've fixed it now...
leaving this beautiful home in manitou springs, colorado is not an easy thing. i'll miss the incline,
my steamroom, the wine cellar. but doesn't this mean that the provisions of the new place will be even more satisfying? that is the presumptuous side of me. i have experienced tremendous blessing...and i expect that those blessings will continue with a new definition. that will be fun. or perhaps like a definition in a dictionary where there are little numbers after a word. i've only experienced the first couple numbers of definition for blessing. the next few numbers are what i'll be writing about in the weeks and months to come.
the path to this moment has been curious to say the least. that is a story for several good bottles of wine, preferably shiraz. so, if you ask nicely and bring the grapes, be ready for a grand tale. either way, i believe God is up to something that i can't as yet see. i suppose he always is and perhaps it is presumptuous of me to think it has anything to do with me, but...well, i guess i'll be presumptuous. i like typing that word. presumptuous. what you don't know is that i mispelled it every one of those three times. but i've fixed it now...
leaving this beautiful home in manitou springs, colorado is not an easy thing. i'll miss the incline,
my steamroom, the wine cellar. but doesn't this mean that the provisions of the new place will be even more satisfying? that is the presumptuous side of me. i have experienced tremendous blessing...and i expect that those blessings will continue with a new definition. that will be fun. or perhaps like a definition in a dictionary where there are little numbers after a word. i've only experienced the first couple numbers of definition for blessing. the next few numbers are what i'll be writing about in the weeks and months to come.
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